A Time Of Reflection... mom moment

I am reminded everyday of my mom.  I wish more than anything that she was still here with us.  My only real comfort is knowing that she is free from her illness now.  With each passing day I realize more and more how our lives, let alone hers, was consumed with cancer.  While we haven't had to even think about chemo... blood counts... blood transfusions... CA 125s... MRI or CT scans.... Drs. appts.... side effects... since she passed, our lives seem so simple.  How I wish she could have had more time here on earth without these barriers and this "thing" that defined her and the last 10 years of her life.  Milestones for our family were always confined inside her barriers. 

With the tragic passing of my cousin Brad this past month it all comes flooding back.   The funeral, the burial, the tears, the grieving.  While they are very different situations they still are so much the same.  The realization for the family that we are left behind here to carry on in sadness and hope that one day we will all meet again.   Wondering how we can spend the rest of our lives here on earth without them and how long this may seem all the while they are celebrating and living in grandeur in Heaven. 

With this tragedy, ironically, I become very thankful that I had time with my mom to somewhat prepare for her passing.  I can't even imagine someone just being ripped from my life immediately.  That seems almost unbearable...  I thank God for the 10 years that I got to spend quality time with my mom when maybe I would have taken that time for granted.   I realize that this was part of the plan for my life and if she hadn't been sick when I was 18 maybe my life would have taken a very different direction.

Enough rambling....  I wanted to end my time of reflection with the poem that was read at my cousins burial.  It was so touching and of course didn't leave a dry eye there...

When Tomorrow Starts Without Me
David M. Romano

 When tomorrow starts without me,
and I’m not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes,
all filled with tears for me;

I wish so much you wouldn’t cry,
the way you did today,
while thinking of the many things,
...

we didn’t get to say.
I know how much you love me,
as much as I love you,
and each time that you think of me,
I know you’ll miss me too;

But when tomorrow starts without me,
please try to understand,
that an Angel came and called my name,
and took me by the hand,

and said my place was ready,
in heaven far above,
and that I’d have to leave behind,
all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
a tear fell from my eye,
for all life, I’d always thought,
I didn’t want to die.

I had so much to live for,
so much yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
that I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
the good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
and all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,
just even for awhile,
I’d say goodbye and kiss you
and maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
that this could never be,
for emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
my heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven’s gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
from His great golden throne,

He said, "This is eternity,
and all I’ve promised you".
Today for life on earth is past,
but here it starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,
but today will always last,
and since each day’s the same day,
there’s no longing for the past.

But you have been so faithful,
so trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things,
you knew you shouldn’t do.

But you have been forgiven
and now at last you’re free.
So won’t you take my hand
and share my life with me?
So when tomorrow starts without me,
don’t think we’re far apart,
for every time you think of me,
I’m right here, in your heart.