Yes, life as we know it has changed. In 2 days it will be exactly 2 years since we got the devastating news about my moms last weeks on earth. I can't believe it will have been 2 years!
I still feel the same about losing her as I did when she died. I constantly feel that emptiness, that part of my life missing. It seems overwhelming to think that that spot in my life will never be filled, never completely whole again.
I will never forget her telling us in those last weeks that life will go on without her just as it does when someone dies. She tried to downplay her leaving us like eventually it will be no big deal. Right... I still lose my breath when I think of the rest of my life without her, I still feel like I could cry about missing her at any moment, and I still feel a huge empty spot in my life.
I am missing who she could have been to us. I miss having a healthy mom. I don't miss the cancer, the complications, the chemo, her illness. I am missing my kids' nana, the person who cares about them just as much as I do. The person who will drop whatever she is doing to help me and my family. The person who loves me unconditionally.
Holidays are hard... but really, everyday is hard. This is now, life as we know it.
I still feel the same about losing her as I did when she died. I constantly feel that emptiness, that part of my life missing. It seems overwhelming to think that that spot in my life will never be filled, never completely whole again.
I will never forget her telling us in those last weeks that life will go on without her just as it does when someone dies. She tried to downplay her leaving us like eventually it will be no big deal. Right... I still lose my breath when I think of the rest of my life without her, I still feel like I could cry about missing her at any moment, and I still feel a huge empty spot in my life.
I am missing who she could have been to us. I miss having a healthy mom. I don't miss the cancer, the complications, the chemo, her illness. I am missing my kids' nana, the person who cares about them just as much as I do. The person who will drop whatever she is doing to help me and my family. The person who loves me unconditionally.
Holidays are hard... but really, everyday is hard. This is now, life as we know it. 
Isn't this just awful Kelli...... I am so glad I have you, reading this was like I was reading my own mind. I was wondering who besides us remember it was 2 years ago we sat there and listened to the nightmare that was just beginning..... Love you sister:)
ReplyDeleteYou guys are always in my thoughts...I felt sad when sending your dad a Christmas Card..it is hard for me to imagine the pain you guys feel...thinking of you always...
ReplyDeletelove you girls! Hang in there, it is hard. It will always be hard... but as your mom said, time does heal some of the hurt. Takes a LONG time and there will always be a hole but not as painful. Try to let your friends and family help where they can to fill the missing piece. Hugs!
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