Wow, its been a while since I've thought of this page. I love that it is still here. I love seeing all of my old thoughts. I truly believe I was part of my best self when I was sitting and reflecting on life. As many know about me, I am usually NOT a deep thinker. What you see is what you get, I usually say out loud what's on my mind and don't usually have hidden agendas....
Reflecting today is kind of fun. I'm off of work for summer break and it feels good. Work is a lot with this busy household of boys and I am not sure my family is crazy about the lack of mom this situation has created. Less meals... dirtier house... forgotten things... missed opportunities... and a tired less present #1 supporter. Being a mom and homemaker was all I had transpired to be when I was thinking about my life after high school graduation and now trying to support our household with a second income has brought many changes for everyone and we are marching through it post covid trying to love every minute of "getting back to normal".
Next school year will be the last year with the boys all in the Lynden School District and I am SO sad. They will all finally be back in the same building together making things a little less tricky but wow, how did we get here already? I am learning how to help teenagers navigate into adulthood and it is hard! The constant worry about their choices, their safety, their movement into their adult lives and the decisions they need to make now to pave that way. I yearn to talk to my mom about all of it. I wish I could ask her questions about what she felt like at this stage in her own life. Did she stress about these things? It didn't feel like it. At this point in my life that is what I miss the most about not having her around. I wish I had her wisdom and guidance with raising these boys. Someone to help calm my anxieties about decisions we are making inside our household.
Life is crazy and hard. All the twists and turns, easy times and hard times, and all the moments I am trying to "take it all in". I wish it would all slow down and simplify but yet every moment we are busy doing things I feel like I am living my best life and wouldn't want it any other way. We do less and less all 5 of us together and slowly I am accepting those little changes of our life. I just hope I never regret a decision we make or a situation I put us all in. I pray daily for God's continued guidance as my boys' mom. I continue to remind myself that he chose me for them and HE has my back.
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