Her final week... "mom moment"

I find myself thinking all day long about what we were doing a year ago at this time. A year ago today mom started really going downhill. I remember spending most of the day with her. We talked alittle but she slept a lot. She was hardly eating anything, very weak, and crabby. We got together with my brother Jon to watch the Bachelor as we did on a weekly basis. She was still up and around in the living room and doing a great job at keeping up with all of her visitors.

After today, it really started to change. I want to remember so much about all of the declining details. I want to remember exactly how it went, I never want to forget, because it was such a growing experience for me.

Tomorrow mom would struggle to get out of bed but she would to take a shower and use the bathroom. She still held some conversation but was very spacy. She no longer had enough energy to carry on as normal. I remember her crying a couple of times knowing that this was the end. I think she was so scared! She is in quite a bit of pain too and we were working really hard with the hospice nurse to manage that. That was the last day I remember talking to her and having her reply back in sentences.

The day after tomorrow she would get up to take a shower and then never leave the bed again. She was in a lot of pain but if she wasn't fussed with or moved she could manage. She didn't talk much but did say a couple words here or there between fading in and out of sleep. I remember being really scared at this point but relied so much on my dad who had it all together. He was guiding us girls through every step. He was so strong and brave. I was amazed at him and what he was able to do and be for us.

I am not sure if I should be sharing these details but I find it so therapeutic. This is what we wrote on our caring bridge site a year ago:

Monday, February 22, 2010 6:30 PM, CST
We find ourselves thanking God everyday for the little things he has given us in the midst of our trial. He has given us this beautiful weather to brighten my moms days. The gloomiest months of the year, months she dreads every year, have been filled with warmth and sunshine. He has allowed all of our kids to spend the afternoons outside at my parents playing with eathother and showing my dad how important he is to them. Without that all of this would be harder on everyone... He is showing himself to us everyday!

Mom has been in more pain the past few days, the nights seem to be the worst. She has been sleeping quite a bit today. We just hope she can get more comfortable.Thanks for checking in and keep praying for these small miracles...Kelli

Tuesday, February 23, 2010 6:12 PM, CST
Lord, Someone we both care about so much is hurting, I pray that You will draw her close to You.Give her heart a big heavenly hug. Fill her mnd with the peace that only You can give. Bless her life with a joy that comes from deep down inside. Give her strength for this day and hope for tomorrow. And, Most of all, may she know she is never, ever alone.May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him... Romans 15:13 NIV

Mom has taken a definite decline today. While this is really scary for us all, we are trying to Trust in Him. She hopes and we hope he takes her from this suffering very soon...Kelli

Wednesday, February 24, 2010 7:04 PM, PST
Our Family is a circle of strength and love. With every birth and every union, the circle grows. Every joy shared adds more love. Every crisis faced together makes the circle stronger.

Today has been a hard day. Mom has been sleeping all day, and her communication with us has been very minimal. She seems to be at peace, which we are thankful for. At this time we are just waiting on God's perfect timing for her to go home. We appreciate all of the prayers and encouraging words...Kristi


I can tell from rereading these that God was definitely carrying us through our trial. I have wondered many times, how we got through all of that. We had no idea what was ahead of us, when it would all end, and how it would feel. How hard it would be to bury our mom and move on with life without her.

Thanks for checking in and listening to me ramble and reflect. Please pray for me and our family as I forsee a difficult week and weekend ahead. I find that I don't want people to forget my mom and sometimes as time goes on it sometimes seems that the world has forgetten that she even exsisted. She was such a beautiful person inside and out and I hope she is always remembered and deeply missed by all who knew her.


Kelli