My mom... "mom moment"

It seems like forever since I have really sat down and thought about just my mom. I find myself not trying to think about her. I think I am avoiding the emotions. I am not even sure why I am doing this. Maybe it is a part of my grieving...

In the past few months I busy myself with trying to replace her so that I don't have to notice that she is not there.

Tonight I rewatched the picture video that we made for moms funeral. I hadn't watched it since that day. I wasn't ready. For some reason I decided to watch it tonight. It was so different now then it was at the service. Then it was just a finished project for others and now it is a reminder to me of who my mom was and who she was to us.

I almost felt angry when it was done. All the pictures we have with her and our kids, she was sick. All she wanted was to be a grandmother and she was such a great one but she could have been so much more. Why couldn't she have been the healthy energetic grandma that other people get to be?

Over the past 7 months I have really realized that besides being my mom she was my best friend. I told her pretty much everything in my life. Everyday I want to talk to her and tell her everything that I normally would have. From my kids, to my husband, to my work, to my everyday trials, to TV shows, to housework, to gossip... We talked about everything! Nobody could talk or listen like her and I will never find someone to take that spot in my life. That makes me so sad and forever changed.

All in all... We miss her... I miss her... With every rainbow or beautiful moon I am reminded that she is watching over us from her place in Heaven and that puts a smile on my face and peace in my heart.