"Trust In The Lord With All Thine Heart" I am finding this harder than I thought. Just as when mom was dying, I find myself reading this sign in my parents house and thinking about it everyday.
There is so much devastation to so many families around me right now. Why? I keep trusting things are going to get easier for me. What about everyone else? I have so many days where I want to reach out and help others to trust but when I really think about it, I am trying so hard myself to trust how can I help someone else do the same? Why does it have to be so hard...
Easter was harder than I thought it would be. We had dinner at dads and an Easter egg hunt for the kids. We functioned as if there was no hole to be filled. We prepared dinner and ate. We compiled the eggs and hunted. To the kids we didn't miss a beat. To me, we went through the motions. We did "Easter" because that is what day fell on the calender but in my heart it really wasn't there. Just another holiday without mom that I could check off the list.
I find myself becoming more angry. Angry because there are so many years that my kids are missing out on with their nana, so many years that I am missing out on with my mom, and so many years that my dad is missing out on with his wife. She was only 58! It isn't fair... that makes me angry...
I just want to talk to her. I want to tell her all about the boys' swimming lessons today, I want to talk to her about the new things Jax is learning and all of the things he is destroying, I want her opinion on Trey's behavior, I want to talk to her about Kobe's kindergarten registration.
Trusting this will get easier...
No words..Just a praying for you..
ReplyDeleteLittle do you know the work God is doing through you. Your trust, on days it comes easy and on days it comes hard, is a light to others. THAT is how you help others right now, by doing it yourself. Watching you every day, the way you care for your kids, your love for your friends, your sense of humor and the warm smile you give to all the people you love even through your pain, is such a blessing to those around you.
ReplyDeleteKelli you are one of the strongest women I know. I see the pain you're going through and I watch with amazement at the strength you continue to display. Like Kandi said you are a beacon to so many and the Lord is shining so bright through you. I know your mom is SO proud of the daughter she raised and is cheering you on through this deep valley from her bleachers in heaven. Prayers always for you all!
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