One of the saddest things I thought about when my mom was given the news of her kidney failure back in the beginning of January was finding out a week later that my sister was finally pregnant with baby #3 or moms 10th grandchild. It was so sad to think that my mom was not going to know this baby, he/she wasn't going to be loved by her, not be held by her. To think she wouldn't be there to help my sister. What if this was the only grandbaby she wouldn't meet? What if that baby was finally the girl she had waited for? I just kept asking, what is up with your timing God?...
It has been thought by my very intelligent and trusting niece and nephews that my mom is up in Heaven as we speak taking care of this unborn baby until he/she takes her first breath here on earth. Isn't that cool to think! Mom knows the baby, she is loving him/her, she is holding them. That thought brings a tear to my eye and a smile to my face. Babies are Heaven sent...
I can't think about it. Really... It breaks my heart to think about that day, when the baby comes that mom won't be here. Knowing that I have you Kel, is about the only way I can even look forward to it! I don't know what I would do without you!! The more I think about it, I have a little bit of comfort knowing that mom is holding that baby right now, singing to it, kissing it, and loving it like she does the rest of her grandkids. If we could only see her, and talk to her one more time..... I miss her so much. Kristi
ReplyDeleteKelli your posts bring tears to my ears, you are such an amazing person, and the way you are dealing with this loss is so inspirational. Your strength and openess as your share your feelings is so courgeous. Thank you for sharing and using your blog as part of your healing process, I can pray specifically for you and your family during these days.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine what you go through on a daily basis, but God has blessed you with such great family and friends, so lean on Him, and let other people help out.
Your boys are so blessed to have a mom like you taking care of them, your mom has given you so many tools to be just as amazing as she is/was... Thinking and praying for you daily.
Julie
Thank you God for the grandkids of Raylene! They are so wonderful. Full of love and faith. A beautiful testiment to the blessings of growing up in a family that loves you.
ReplyDeletePraise be to God.
Love you Kelli. God is holding you every day and he'll never let go. :)